“here, taste this.” he said as he held it out to me on a fork. i opened my mouth and he put it in like so many times before (stop being a perv, i’m talking about the fork). i closed my lips around it and he pulled out the fork. after i chewed for a minute he said “well, what do you think?” i shrugged my shoulders hard like i was in a ciara video and there was a loud pop as my collar bones snapped through the skin on my shoulders. “you don’t know?! do you like it?” his face was screwed up like i’ve never seen a screwed up face be before. his eyebrows were hovering around his upper lip or vice versa. it’s hard to say. i shook my head around furiously like there were wasps trying to land on my open eyes and then he got mad. “i made this for you goddammit! and you don’t like it?! what, is it not sweet enough? too tough? what!?!?” i finished chewing, swallowed, and held my head for a minute to slow down the dizzy feeling i was having then i said “it just tastes like regular old success to me. it’s the same thing every time. it’s okay, but it’s not what i’m looking for. i want something different.” “what? more than success?” “no, just different. there are different ways to succeed at the same thing man. you know, like those fish that live in the coral reefs that both seem to have the best way of getting around their predators…” he cut me off “fuck the coral reef man. i’m talking about pure, unadulterated, 100% raw success. and i’m fucking handing it to you. feeding it to you on a fucking fork you couldn’t afford last week. and you want more?” “no, different.” “fuck different. it’s all the same. money, cash, loot…” that was about the time i quit listening. it was the time i always quit listening. 2pm. i just turned my head off and stared at the ground and thought about 300,000,000 pages of best sellers and the number of jobs that exist so other people can do their jobs and how most of those jobs are not even nneecceessaarryy in the first place and how maybe we’d be better off without so many man made distractions and mechanical things and how capitalism is so inefficient when it comes to making things good and quality and how the people with the money teach us our history the way it best represents their interests and how if i could i’d let the truth be known and go down with my ship but the one thing i can never think of no matter how hard or long i try to think of it is where to start exactly and also it seems like it would take too long and isn’t it all (all of my thoughts) just my opinions and doesn’t everyone else seem happy with the way things are and shouldn’t i just be happy with it all too and why am i so egotistical to think that the way i would like things would be better for everyone, even if it would technically be logically more fair to more people in the long run, haven’t we been at this for so long that no one can even step outside of themselves or it and see it in a different light anyway…then at 2:01pm i start listening again and he’s somewhere around “…you fucking selfish fuck. all you think about is you and your goddamn daydreams - ecrkghul.” right about then is when i use my hand to choke him the fuck out for a second or two just so he remembers who he’s talking to. then i say “you’re right. it’s good. it’s very good. thank you.” and it goes like that, give or take, just about every day. unless of course we decide to go the beach.
